Conflict Into Collaboration

We all ultimately want the same things.

This is where the power of Inquiry Method is revealed.

When I talk to people in a corporation, or in a couple, or to individual clients and I start to ask the question of what is it that you really want, eventually we all end up at the same place. We all want to feel love, fulfillment, and happiness. This is what it all boils down to even though it may not look like it on the surface of things. This is why using inquiry is so important – it reveals the underlying truth.

It is in the details that we get conflicted.  What, how, when, where, why…The conflict persists because we forget what we really want and start attaching to the details as if that is what is important.

In a conflict with your spouse about spending so much time at work, is the issue really about spending time at work?  No, it is about something else… Most likely it is about wanting to feel closer or to feel more love in the relationship.  If the love and the intimacy are there, then the issue about time goes away.

In an argument between employees about how to do things, how to do it is probably not the issue…it may be about recognition and success.  If we can create a situation where everyone feels like they are being supported in being successful, then the argument goes away, and we naturally begin to feel like working together on solutions.

If we use Inquiry Method when conflicts occur to discover what everybody wants on the deepest level we can find our common ground with one another, we can find what I call the “Want for Us," the shared want that brings us together.  Core wants show up as fulfillment, success, happiness, joy, fun, ease, inclusion, and ultimately love.When we all realize that we want the same thing the energy changes, and we start working in parallel to create that situation we all want.  It is in this way that we transform conflict into collaboration.  That transformation and the ability to inspire it in others will change all your relationships.