The Importance of Putting Yourself First
Hi, Olivia here. This week's vlog is about putting yourself first, even before your children. It was a controversial topic for me when I first heard Kyle talk about it. This idea went against every idea of sacrifice that I learned growing up. I thought being a good parent meant self-denial and making your kids the center of your universe. Apparently, I was wrong.
In this video, Kyle makes the distinction between giving out of a place of lack versus giving from a place of abundance, without expectation of receiving in return. Kyle shows us how putting your needs first as parents actually sends the right message to your kids, cuts down on a parent's resentment, and leaves you healthier, happier, and in better shape to care for your children.
Click the video below to watch our whole conversation.
KEY TAKE-AWAYS:
It is an important life practice that we put ourselves first. When we don’t we get stuck in a pattern of “giving self away” and we start to resent other people.
When you fill yourself first you can give from a place of overflowing which is very different than giving yourself away.
If you never put yourself first in your relationships then the other person can’t trust what you say or do. When they ask what you want and you say you don’t care but actually do have a desire then it can erode the intimacy.
It’s more fun to be around people who are fully taking care of themselves 100% of the time. Then, if they spend time with you you can trust it’s because they want to be with you instead of out of obligation. You don’t have to run around making sure they are okay or taking care of them because you know that if they need something they’ll speak up.
To be a full adult in any relationship you have to have filled yourself. This is even more important with children. When we put our kids first it gives them a warped view of relationships and parenting: that they are about sacrifice.
When parenting becomes about sacrifice then a kid “owes” their parents.
People have kids because they want them not because they want to be in service to them. When parenting becomes about sacrifice then the parents blame their children because they don’t want to serve them all the time.
Mothers in particular, but also men, run around serving their children all the time and bailing them out of tough situations. What does that teach boys about women? Or girls about being a woman? What about what it means to be a parent?
What subtle messages are we sending our kids by making them the center of our universe? It can create narcissistic children because being someone’s whole world can make one feel very important. We send the message that what the child needed was more important than what mom needed or what dad needed.
Thank you for watching! I hope it was illuminating for you. If you would like coaching to adjust your parenting style or to heal patterns you learned from your family as a child, join us for our Online Members Coaching & Teaching Circle calls. You get your first call FREE! These are online video calls where you can get personal attention from Kyle and become part of a supportive community that are also on a path of growth.
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